1. A suitcase full of food

A rule without exception. A bag, usually bigger than the one holding clothes, will be full of ready made, and ready to make Indian food.

2. I'm travelling and you're working. Get it? GET IT!

Tweet 1 "Driving to the airport... Yayyy"

Tweet 2 "T2 is glitzy" with a selfie smoozing the world.

FB Update: "Eager Beaver is travelling to 'some goddam place' with Mrs. Beaver from Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport, Mumbai, India"

Get it yet? While you are stapled to your work desk, this dude is TRAVELLING!

3. We're mad about In-Flight entertainment

So much to see, and so little time. We'll sit watery eyed, and try to tear through the entire list of movies, serials, music, games, cartoons, whatever. Every now and then we check the flight location on the map, and that makes us all the more anxious. Travellers of other nationalities can't wait to get off the plane, and we feel pangs of sadness at leaving the beloved In-Flight Entertainment. 

4. It’s the night when three become one

Papa, mama and grown ass son on a tiny double bed. What, why pay for an extra bed?! We’re family, and if push comes to shove, then Papa can always sleep on the floor. Mama won’t allow that for her darling grown ass son.

5. Passport is where my heart is

Yes, that and foreign currency, always in the  specially tailored inside pocket of the cotton vest. Over which is a full sleeve shirt. Over which is a leather jacket. Even in 40 degree Celsius heat.

Better safe over sorry, sweat over regret. 

6. Big cities one day. Small cities if they come in our way

Paris can be thoroughly seen and enjoyed in a day max. What’s there to see in Louvre from inside?

We usually don’t go to small cities. Unless they come in way of our grand plan. Then we see them! 

7. Ask once. Ask twice. Repeat

When in doubt, ask. Indian male does not believe in losing his way for the sake of his ego. That’s a white man's trait. We’re abroad. We’re new. We’re guests (entitled to act as pests). And we’re invariably always lost, or on the verge of it. Better ask, confirm, walk a few steps, spot another amiable gentleman. “Excuse me…” Reconfirm! 

8. What, again toilet paper!

Fret not, these nice hotel people have kept those glass muggas on the basin counter again! Not as handy as the 'jet', but what the heck. 

Source: Water, water everywhere, not a single drop to...

9. 18 is always 14

If there is half price for under 15 year olds at an amusement park, then a malnourished 18 year old will always be told as 14. That’s how we drive bargains. 

10. When abroad, we search for the Father of our Nation

Meaning Gandhi restaurant.

Local sights are fine, local smells too. Local taste. Now that could include balls of a bull no? Better stick to Paneer Tikka Masala at Gandhi, Nehru, Buddha, Ganesha, Indra, Shiva, Brahma or any other restaurant named after millions of Indian Gods. 

Source: Why Gandhiji's? Does it mean this particular restaurant is owned by him?

11. We walk backwards on the walkalator in front of the Kohinoor diamond

In the Tower of London is our precious Kohinoor diamond. I say our, because I once heard an Indian gentleman say it to the guards there.

The family of five would just not leave the walkalator (travelator, moving walk way, whatever), in front of the diamond. They started walking back on it, saying "It's ours, we'll see for as long as we want." No jokes, I could see tears in their eyes, and hear the silent JaNaGaNaMaNa coming from their hearts. 

12. In Switzerland, we are Raj and Simran

 No shit, that! We love posing in the verdant valleys, recreating the moments from DDLJ.